How to stop sending toxic emails and start sending love letters


I have a friend that has some debt.

Now if I added up what the entrepreneurs I know have raised and what they’ve lost, it might eclipse $100M. Remember, only 1 in 10 are likely to succeed.

In the grand scheme of things, my friend only owes like $12k and she needed it for basic things — like living. She’s been stressing out about paying these people back. She feels terrible.

Unfortunately, the debt has colored these relationships. Sometimes she wants to avoid them. Other times, she shrinks a bit in their presence, always conscious that she’s not held up her end of the bargain. She’s a failure. She can’t be trusted. She’s let this debt define her and the shame and guilt are overwhelming. Yet, if they gave her money, they obviously believe in her. After all, they’ve invested in her. In many cases, they’ve helped her out for one reason… they love her.

She believes that if she can clear this debt, she can clear anything that’s been stuck around money. I get this. I know all about debt and letting it define my identity.

I’ve read a library (slightly smaller than the main branch in Manhattan)’s worth of self development books. I’ve been to Landmark, sat on rocks at the tops of mountains, done a three month Excel training to break down my limiting beliefs… I even developed a game called Shift, with content from all those big self help gurus, that shows us why we do what we do. It was sold in 500 stores and 120 psychologists used it in their practice.

I’m big on The Law of Attraction. The main premise is, “That which is likened to itself is drawn.” Meaning, what we focus on expands and at the same time what we resist persists. Think of everything as a stick with two sides — that which we want and that which we don’t want. The key is knowing which end of the stick we’re looking at because that’s what we’re going to get more of. I’m also a student of The Course in Miracles. It too says that our thoughts create our reality and that we attract what we are. So, if we want peace, be peace. If we want love, be love… if we want abundance, be abundance.

And then for the non-believers there’s quantum physics. Yes. Scientific proof. Studies now show that feeling changes DNA. What that means is that if you can feel what it’s like to have that thing, you can create that experience. I watched a video of a woman that had stage 4 cancer. None of the western doctors could help her. She went to China and a group of doctors performed their magic and she was healed. They did this practice. They saw her as if she’d already been healed. They gathered around her and all chanted this phrase. It sounded like, “Wa Sa.” The translation as I understand it is, “it’s already happened.” They circled around her and chanted “Wa Sa, Wa Sa, Wa Sa.” All of them held the belief of what it would be like for her to be completely healthy. They focused on physically FEELING what it would FEEL like for her to be in perfect health. They ran some tests again. The MRIs showed it gone… that very day.

Now is actually past tense. It’s the residue of what we’ve been feeling. What we’re experiencing today is a direct result of what we’ve been thinking… and more importantly, feeling, up until this point. That means that right now is our pivotal place of power. How you feel now defines your future.

Let’s come back to my friend. She wants to write emails to the people that she owes to tell them that although she can’t pay them back now, they are definitely top of mind and she’s committed to making it happen. She’s drafted the email. She even created a spreadsheet. She’s stressed. What will they say? Will they reply with resentment and anger? Will they hate her or worse, write her off as someone that just can’t get their sh** together.

Luckily we had an intervention before these emails went out.

I told her about what I do when I send out important emails. I put all my positive energy into them and focus on experiencing the receiver psyched to get my communication and take that next action. When I press send, I do a 30 second meditation. Sometimes I imagine that I’ve got a dandelion and when I hit send, I blow these winged seeds, each complete with a wish or desire or just good feelings, in the direction of my recipient. I see them taking flight. I see them landing with grace. I feel them feeling acknowledged.

She got it. She did the exercise and the responses she got were incredible. People were thankful for her willingness to restore integrity. They were delighted to reconnect and just hear how she was doing. Each and every one of them was an advocate for her success and within days she landed a project that gave her the ability to pay a good portion back.

It may seem trivial. And yet, our energy is the one thing that impacts us most. Luckily it’s one thing we can absolutely control. The key is to start taking notice of when we feel off, when we feel upset, stressed, frustrated or angry… That doesn’t mean we need to do a complete about face, especially if those feelings have momentum. Yet there are ways to inch us back to alignment, to remember our truth, that we are powerful and that we are loved. When we take notice of the things we do have, we can more readily shift our energy to feeling good. Gratitude is a massive shortcut. It is a remembrance of something we truly appreciated and when we’re giving thanks for that thing, we’re basically reliving those good vibes.

My friend was able to see that the people she unconsciously thought were her captors were actually her champions. She truly felt their love for her and apologies were no longer a consideration. Instead she made an offering and the gratitude she felt when she sent those love letters came back ten fold.

Try it. It works. I promise.